Thursday, April 1, 2010

From my heart... thank you for the journey!

Ten years ago a friend of mine needed help with a place to stay. I wanted to be kind and a good friend, so I offered that she could stay with me. It was a DISASTER. I did not have what it took to pull it off... and within two weeks we struggled over the last hump of our now, used to be friendship. I helped her alright... I helped her find a new place and helped her move out; move on, and that was it.

In a way I had made up my mind that I was not good at living with someone; maybe I would do so with my husband one day, but most certainly not with a friend. For the next ten years I lived on my own and loved it.

Very recently, though, something very significant has clicked over in my life. I also had a similar life changing moment a decade ago.

A decade ago... quick recap:

When I was 21 I got married (knowing that I was making a grave mistake). When I was 22 I got divorced (in a wobbled effort to correct that mistake). God started dealing with me and healing my life and by 23 I felt like I had been reborn; as if my life had literally began! Still to this day, 10 years later, I still feel 23 at heart.
Now, 10 years later a special man has crossed my path. Something has clicked over in my heart. My life has changed from a life about I, me and myself, to such a burning desire to share my life and my space with loved ones. Now I cannot imagine my life like it used to be.

I see myself with a beautiful home filled with people and filled with love. I see kids running around, sitting around a table doing homework, playing games, talking, sharing, laughing, even crying... I see dogs running around on a beautiful green lawn, barking. Belongings of everyone lying around the house, my parrot making noise, learning to speak, phones ringing, dinner cooking on the stove and amazing aromas filling the air as you walk through the front door (and I’m not talking about smelly shoes). I see hugging, touching, show of affection, caring and kindness. I see cars in the driveway and friends who just enjoy spending time in our home; who feel welcome.

I can’t say for sure, but something has changed in me; I have changed.

Things, it would seem, did not work out with this man, but I know that my life will never be the same again, and I am eternally grateful!!

With all the clicking that has happened in me lately, another dear friend of mine needed help with a place to stay (since about two months ago). I felt it in my heart to help her and so she moved in with me. I knew I was different this time, but I couldn’t help but wonder how things would work out this time around.

I am happy – very excited indeed – to report that it was such an amazing experience!! It wasn’t perfect, but there were a million more good experiences than there was difficulty. We had the odd conflict, but we were mature enough to talk it through and work it out and come out on the other side with a stronger relationship and a friendship that I hope will last a lifetime!

I thoroughly enjoyed the night time talks; having had someone to chat with before falling asleep, and first thing when waking up in the morning; laughing and crying together, and crying with laughter. I thoroughly enjoyed having someone to come home to besides the couch. I LOVED having someone around to cook for, to have meals with... I loved the times I got home, tired after a long day, and someone had prepared dinner and I didn’t have to do it. I loved cooking my favourite meals and watch someone enjoy it as much as she did. I’ve never really been big on cooking for others, but I had so much fun doing it now.

It also worked out very well in terms of finances. Each one simply contributed spontaneously, as if it was the most natural thing in the world. We always had milk in the fridge, food on the table and all other needs met. She helped me, and I helped her, and together we both progressed to a whole new place in each of our lives. So much life (positive things) has come from this experience!

My heart is grateful for all the wonderful memories that I’ve gained from this time together, and also just the knowledge of how far I’ve come in the past decade with regard to personal growth! When I look back, I KNOW now that I have changed and I LOVE it!!!

Now the time has come for things to change again. Both my friend and I have been unemployed for several months now. We have both found new employment and we even started working on the same day! Imagine that.. :o) And now she is moving out again...

I’m glad for her, but I’m sad for us... bitter sweet.

So what I would like to say is: What a ride, my friend!!! Thank you, from the bottom of my heart, for travelling with me. It has been such an awesome experience; a glorious time!

So what happens now...? I’m not sure...

Looking forward from here I definitely see my life filled with more people. I believe the days of I, me and myself are over. I envision my life filled with people to love, people to enjoy, people to care about and people to share myself with. I really believe that I have so much to share with them; for them to enjoy, and I sincerely thank those special people in my life that is helping me to discover just what I have in my treasure chest. The more I’m discovering, the more I’m loving it, and the more I’m healing, and the more I’m blossoming and the more I’m loving life!!

The end of one season brings the beginning of a new one...

Thank you.... from my heart, thank you... for the journey!!

1 comment:

Clarinda said...

The journey was fulfilling and beautiful, so Thank you, and Thank God for you ... miss you my friend, I really miss you dearly.