I am just 21 and my life is
over. How can it be? I have not even lived yet. What now, Lord?
It was the summer of 2000 but it was winter in my heart. How do you get
married and divorced in just one year? Hopeless and brokenhearted I curled up
in a fetal position and wept. I imagined lying on my Father's lap, my head on
his chest and desperately listening for His heartbeat. What else was going to
go wrong before something would start going right? Did good things only happen
to other people? Why not me? When did it all start going so horribly wrong?
I had a microwave, a bed and a car to my name and was living in a
crummy, cheap apartment - above a liquor store and across from an adult porn
store - but it was all I could afford. My car had been flooded inside during a
rain storm with no apparent explanation and, watching the floating Garfield
cassette case and map book, I added to the brimming water with my tears.
Shortly after my car was broken into, the radio and speakers stolen. I almost
got mugged on my way from the car to the apartment, I was up to my eyeballs in
debt, barely sleeping and not on speaking terms with my family. I was having
oatmeal for breakfast and oatmeal for dinner, all awhile fantasizing about
Cheddar cheese. Cheese was not an option, not without a fridge. Emotionally and
spiritually I was hanging on by a threat with thoughts of suicide plaguing my
mind day and night. The devil was laughing at me.
My soul was crying out to the Lord for help. What now?
My heart longed for home; a place of peace and safety where I could
heal; a sanctuary away from a cruel and lonely world; a place where I could
kick my slippers under the bed.
So I prayed. I prayed for guidance. I prayed for a miracle. I prayed for
a home.
I am a firm believer in writing things down. I am also a firm believer
in God being a God of detail, so I went all out! I specified the color scheme
for the kitchen and bathroom, the height of the curtain rods, the carpeted and
tiled areas, the private entrance and car port and right down to the trees; one
in front of the bedroom window and one outside the front door. I love birdsong.
There is no better sound to wake up to. Go big or go home, right? Once I had it
all down and I had presented it to the Lord in prayer, the search began.
I did specify that it had to be something I could afford (and I had put
an estimate in brackets) but alas, after days of searching, I was unable to
find anything in that price range. Imagine my overwhelming joy when my boss
inquired on my progress and, upon relaying the results to him, he had suggested
increasing my salary with the exact amount that I needed. It had to be God!
The same afternoon I had a place lined up to view. From what I could see
upon my arrival it was a lovely cottage in a quaint garden and with two
trees... one in front of the bedroom window and one outside the front door. My
heart leaped within me but another couple was viewing it still. I did not want
to count my chickens before they have hatched but I was hopeful. Then, when it
was my turn, I stuck my head inside and peeked around the door.
Oh my! Could it be? The kitchen, the living room, the bathroom, the
tiles and carpets; It was everything on my list and more! This was it; I was
home. Now all I needed was a new pair of slippers, pink slippers.
5 years later...
It was a hectic day at the office. I am exhausted and so relieved to be
home. I cannot wait to exchange these heals for my soft, much more comfortable
slippers. As I round the corner I see it: Someone has chopped down the tree
outside the front door - not pruned, but rather butchered. Oh no! That tree
will never be the same again. I get a sinking feeling nor will I; change is
nigh.
I try to smile; I do not like change too much. I remind myself that God
never changes; He was faithful yesterday, He will be faithful tomorrow.
As I step inside I spot the envelope pushed under the door: "We
hereby give you notice..."
I take a deep breath. Now where are those slippers? These heals are killing me.
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