Tuesday, June 9, 2009

Skinny cows & bolognaise

I’ve been spending quite a bit of time working on my blog. I’ve been deliberating over what to write, how to arrange different pieces, and discovering some that I’ve written over time past. It really made me think: “What has happened to that girl – the Liane who wrote these inspiring pieces?” It appears as if I believed that anything was possible. I had hope in my heart and a sparkle in my eye.

But then things changed: The world seemed to become a cruel, selfish place, and the hurt and disappointment of it chipped away at the hope and enthusiasm in my heart. I had lost some of that innocence and my hope had become clouded by all the hardship and difficulty that I had experienced. I had become an angry Liane.

It’s been a tough seven years. I often think of it, smiling to myself, as the seven
fat cows and the seven skinny cows in the dream that Joseph interpreted for Pharaoh. You see, the seven years prior were such great years that my heart wanted to burst with thanksgiving for God’s goodness. I desperately wanted everyone around me to feel such hope.

The past seven years I have found myself often desperately just reaching for enough strength and grace to get through a day. I eventually started losing hope that it might never get better, even though God would always faithfully be there to help me despite of. I almost became a survivor, instead of the conqueror that God sees me as. Sometimes I felt stretched, and sometimes torn. Yes, God had been faithful to encourage and strengthen me – He always faithfully helped me back to a grace space, reassuring me that He’s got my back; encouraging, strengthening and comforting me.

Then, in the past week God had allowed change to come to my life. I’ve had the opportunity to step away from the negativity that had come to gradually smother me over time. It almost completely put out the flame in my heart.

It made me think about why I write.

I really believe in my heart that God has given me MUCH. I have such a desire to use it for His glory and His purposes; to be part of the “change the world one life at a time” process. I want for people to realize that each one of us has been given a LOT. However, most people don’t even know the treasures in their treasure box. Some don’t even know they have a treasure box, let alone treasure. How can they enjoy it, use it and ultimately live fully? It burns in my heart that my life would be a vehicle to touch and change people’s lives; for their eyes to open to the treasure chests inside of them. They have to be able to experience the WOW of it for themselves, embrace it and enjoy it. Only then can they start to share those jewels with anyone else. Ultimately it would have had to change their life so much that they would reach out to another so that they too, in turn, can realize their preciousness and for the cycle to repeat itself over and over again.

What is precious to me is that, in digging up these writings of mine, I was reminded of the girl I was then, and encouraged to refocus on the woman that I want to be now. It has been precious that the very reason why I write has become a special instrument to speak into my own life in this time at God’s feet. Amazing how God sometimes bring us back to ‘familiar’ truths where we learn something new from it every time.

Reading my bible is often the same: I would read a passage and think: “oooohhh – aaaaah”, and then some time later, Holy Spirit would remind me of it again, and show me something new that I had not realized the last time I looked at it, and again precisely applicable to that particular time in my life.

In a way it reminds me of my spaghetti bolognaise; I don’t understand why, but it always seems to taste better the next day. (I usually have enough for more than one meal, so I keep it refrigerated, and then conveniently warm it for supper the next evening.) It’s familiar, yet more tasty the second time around...

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