The beginning of a new journey

Well, where do I begin.... it takes courage to express yourself. Whether by writing in any form, painting, drawing or speaking. Expressing yourself mean that you make yourself vulnerable to others. They might love you/what you put out there, or they might hate it. They might agree or disagree. But I also believe that each person have a chest full of treasures. We can never live fully if we are afraid to be who we are. So for this reason I am sharing my experience with you. For all I know some of you might even be travelling with me in some way or another...

So let's start with my resigning my job; something that happened very abruptly on the 1st of June. Today I heard something that reminded me again of what courage is... It is not the absence of fear, but acting in the face of it. I realized that I had courage when I resigned. I most certainly did not feel warm and fuzzy, but I did what I felt convinced I had to do. I also thought about often having the desire for a changed life, and I would think that it is easier said than done, considering that I'm not married.

You see, that had often been a 'convenient excuse' for me - especially for making big changes in my life. I've always had this fantacy that if I had a husband, he could pay the bills, while I be adventurous. The reality is, I am NOT married. I mean, you have to realize that I have no 'back-up plan' so to speak. But then I have also realized in the past few days that many woman are married, and still all end up going nowhere.

Ironic, isn't it; the conditions that we set for ourselves and then, even when we arive at them, all we do is move the line a bit further away. We find new reasons for going nowhere, all the while not liking where we're at. But then again; Hell, when the horse is dead, dismount... Yet, many have the whip and the 'heee-haaaaaaa!' on the back of a dead horse... hhmmmmmm.

Tim Storey also told the story of going fishing with his brother and dad when he was just a youngh boy. They caught fish like crazy, and he determined in his mind that he was going to go back there sometime and fish like they did. So as a grown up minister, he took some of his friends to the same like. And even though there was a sign saying that the lake was poluted, and you couldn't fish there, he simply wouldn't budge. Needless to say that they didn't catch any fish like in his memory. Even after a park ranger advised them not to fish there, they stayed.

Eventually he agreed that they could move to another spot, and all of a sudden they were catching fish left, right and centre. God spoke to him in that sometimes he moves our favour and he will cause the fish to 'dry up' as a means to encourage us to move to the next spot where he would rather have us 'fish'.

Even though I heard this story quite a few years ago, it has never left me. Ok, so I've dismounted. What now? To be honest: I have no idea. I often think of another story that Tim Storey told, and in it he said: "but sometimes you're out there in God, I guess..." He told of a really strange event that happened when he was only a young minister. How we don't always know what we're doing, but how God always has a plan. It is just very important that we trust and obey, no matter what it looks like to us.

So, do I have all the answers? Not yet, but God said that he will show the way. It is certainly a good excuse to spend lots of time with Him. He will be faithful. God cannot be anything other than who He is, therefore He will never let us down. The thing is: do we believe it... enough? Do I believe it enough...?