I am just 21 and my life is
over. How can it be? I have not even lived yet. What now, Lord?
It was the summer of 2000 but it was winter in my heart. How do you get
married and divorced in just one year? Hopeless and brokenhearted I curled up
in a fetal position and wept. I imagined lying on my Father's lap, my head on
his chest and desperately listening for His heartbeat. What else was going to
go wrong before something would start going right? Did good things only happen
to other people? Why not me? When did it all start going so horribly wrong?
I had a microwave, a bed and a car to my name and was living in a
crummy, cheap apartment - above a liquor store and across from an adult porn
store - but it was all I could afford. My car had been flooded inside during a
rain storm with no apparent explanation and, watching the floating Garfield
cassette case and map book, I added to the brimming water with my tears.
Shortly after my car was broken into, the radio and speakers stolen. I almost
got mugged on my way from the car to the apartment, I was up to my eyeballs in
debt, barely sleeping and not on speaking terms with my family. I was having
oatmeal for breakfast and oatmeal for dinner, all awhile fantasizing about
Cheddar cheese. Cheese was not an option, not without a fridge. Emotionally and
spiritually I was hanging on by a threat with thoughts of suicide plaguing my
mind day and night. The devil was laughing at me.
My soul was crying out to the Lord for help. What now?
